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The ever growing black hole of Heggedal


Heggedal is a Norwegian province. This article is written in English because nobody that speaks Norwegian care about Heggedal. Most doesn't even know that it exists. Seriously, nobody knows that it exists. Before Heggedal was a country, and under Per Alexander Brattbakk Uldalen, Heggedal was the world's largest drug nation.

Not far from Asker Sentrum is the suburb known as Heggedal. Sorounded by mountains and wild forests, it is a paradise for climbers and nature-lovers. In these mountains you will find large pine's and holes in the ground, made by the polar ice. Large bears wander in these parts and there are daily observations of wolves. It is possible to reach Borgen by walking through the wild forest

The center of Heggedal is well know by the citizens of Scandinavia for its good clean air, the river Skithegga and the local pub (Rustad Meieri). There is also a good restaurant known as Gunstig. You will find a large library, containing all of the greatest litterary works of the world. The ancient school know as Hovedgården is also used as a loppemarked during the cold autumn months. This is a time you will experience polakker (manual-workers) riding in their old cars, collecting various goods.

In the year 1876 Kristan Sandli was given the medal of best physique in Heggedal. He was the biggest bodybuilder in the whole Heggedal. He died of overtraining five years later, and the bear statue in Heggedalskogen, was made in his memory. It is a holiday once every 100 year to celebrate the legend of Kristan. Every year, a bodybuilder contest is organized to honor Sandli. The winner is named Kristian Wannabe of the Year.

Per Alexander Brattbakk Uldalen was a famous hockey player from Heggdal, he started his career in Frisk Asker, then he went to Holmen, and then NHL. He has several national matches for the national team at Heggedal. Per was also seen as an addict and died of an overdose of cannabis. After he set up his hockey career, he became an important drug deal for Gjermund Cappelen. Per was most famous for selling to children who went to Heggedal Primary School. He also negotiated with Pablo Escobar from time to time. Per is also the founder of the world-famous strip club: Uldalens Ut and Inn + Drugs for toddlers.

The famous river Skithegga (Muddy Waters) is famous for giving name to blues legend Muddy Waters, originally a cotton picker from Hallenskog (Twin Peaks). He nearly drowned in the dirty river of Skithegga, and they struggled for years to clean him up. His voice and skin was perfect for blues after the incident, an he swithed from Trekkspell to Slide Guitar.

Kiwi is another attraction in Heggedal. It is a large shop containing goods from all around the world. With it's distinctive character and class, Kiwi can easily be compared to Harrods in London and other high class shops. A parkingspace is easy to find, due to the fact that almost nobody in Heggedal have heard about the car. From this shop you can see allmost all of the attractions in Heggedal, but the main view is a little top of wild grass growing on a small hill.

The old Heggedal Factory House is situated in the center of Heggedal, near a small lake boiling with fishes. There are benches here, where one can completely relax. Many different birds also nest in this area, and it is known to be a heaven for bird watchers. The old factory was used as a prison during the second world war, and the building is the entrance to a large numbers of tunnels and catacombs produced by the germans. This location is a popular adventure spot, used by the young generation for adventurous and exciting explorations.

The lake Gjellum is said to be extremely healthy, due to its mineral. In this lake you can relax and take a time of. On one of the sides of this lake, there is a beautiful little beach, where surfers can surf in the summer months. This is possible, since the wind gets speed from the steep and gigantic mountains. This produces waves that can easily be compared to the beaches in other tropical countries.

In the winter, the lake Gjellum is made into a gigantic competition arena, where one can experience true Heggedalian tradition. The locals gather and bath in the ice cold and very clean water. The winter can also be extremely cold during these months, and storms are not unusual. A special drink is then made, to cure the pain and suffering caused by the cold. The drink is called Hegdölingn. This drink contains ingredients found only in the harsh and steep hills of Heggedal

The famous Heggedaldialect is also spoken in this area.

blirrùmè pà gunsti ellr? = Would you like to join me to the local restaurant?

Waeitù worr jae kann khöpe drikk'ellr? = Do you know where I can buy alcoholic beverages (This phrase is common among fourteen year olds, also known as fjortiser )


The oldest part of the town is on the north side of the bay of Gjellum. Here you find the well known Blåkiosken, an old wooden house dating from the early 18th c., but still giving a medieval feel. The Heggedal Church is the oldest church of Heggedal, dating from around 1130. Two other smaller Churches, Rikets Sal and the Pinsemenigheten churches are not medieval, but full of old spirit from the 1950's, although modified later. The fortress of Heggedal has a number of interesting buildings, notably the Vygershus royal hall from the 13th c., and the Brynjur Tower, built around a medieval fortification in the 16th century.

The fishmarket is where the locals buy fish directly from the fishermen of the Gjellum Water. Further down you find the main shopping area, rebuilt after a fire in 1986 in art noveau and functionalism, around the main square Hovedgården. Several old quarters of white, wooden houses surround the centre, notably Vikingjordet, Sætre and Heggedal Sentrum. This can not really be called a city-centre, considering that the "centre" had 3 inhabitants in 2007.


Heggedals's signature foods reflect the towns's both educated and working-class roots. Heggedals scrambled cod, popularized by Niels Gaup and Gunstig pizzeria, is knowned, A traditional Heggedal meat in a cone is typically loaded with mustard, chopped onion, sliced tomato, pickle relish, celery salt and a dill pickle spear. It is somewhat taboo to put ketchup on a Heggedalian meat in a cone, there are actually some small conemeat shops and stands that will refuse service to you if you make the request. A Heggedal meatcone is almost always made out of Heggedalian Moose Beef, the largest animal in the woods of Heggedal. Heggedal is also known for it's flavoured soups, sandwiches and the Sousage in spicy butter(always served topped with grilled onions and mustard)


Heggedal is connected to the surrounding areas by a road that has not been modernised since its opening in 1328. One can frequently observe heggedølinger go on the road by horse or donkey. The medival road connects Heggedal to areas such as Asker, Sandvika and the capitol city Oslo. In the early 1900's, Heggedal was a rural farmland, producing over 75% of the wool and meat in the Akershus area. Heggedal then became one of the largest exportation ports in Norway, with wool being sent to more established populations and meat being sent to the forest-starved coastal towns where hungry settlers needed to feed their families. Even today, Heggedals's importance in national distribution remains, as it is the third largest inter-modal port in the country after Drammen and Oslo.

Famous people from Heggedal[rediger]

The greath history of heggedal has many individuals of greath acclaim:

In the later years, 2 individuals comes to mind; Fredrik von Rudenberg the 7th, and Magnus Stuart James. They are mostly known for their great intellectual abilities. and they are currently writing their memoars. Fredrik is also known for winning the annual burger contest, at the local gaming bar - Amunds place.

Local traditions in Heggedal[rediger]

Date English Name Local Name Remarks
January 1st Mid Winter Festival Midtvintersblot Fire and celebration
January 12th Gjellum Festival Vannpyttdagen Festival on Gjellumvannet
March 17th Weern day Weernhyllinga Rememberance of Franz J. Weern
March 22st Hunting day Jagtkonkurransen ~
May 1st Labour (Labor) Day Sosialistdagen ~
May 4th Spring day Vårstevne Celebration of spring
May 17th National Independence Day Søttendemai ~
August 31st Market in Hovedgården Loppemarkedet på skolen When the Polakker comes ~
May 7th Kristian was given the medal of best physique Sandli dagen ~

Timeline of important events[rediger]

Most important moments of Heggedal's history in chronological sequence:

  • 750   Heggedal a settlement for a tribe of early norwegians
  • 1012 Heggedal is invaded by King Grimne Barksson, and Christianity was introduced
  • 1354 Heggedal is the seat of power in the Asker area
  • 1362 Steingrim Ragnarsson is king, buildt the early Hovedgård (Hovudgardr]
  • 1370 early trading with Drammen begin
  • 1378 the execution of Steingrim Ragnarsson
  • 1583 rule of Trym Eskilsson
  • 1618 Trym Eskilsson is murdered by Arnfinn Laugarsson
  • 1710 Count Granarius Bard invades the fortress of Heggedal and takes over the power previously held by King Olaug. The story surrounding the Counts death claims he still haunts the city to this day.
  • 1890 The first map drawn of Heggedal by the politican Franz Josef Weern
  • 1940 the battle of Heggedal, the last battle between Germany, and Norwegian forces in norway. Norwegian forces led by general Ruge, the Germans by Guderian.
  • 2007 The first sign of electrical power in Heggedal. This quickly escalated in to phone, internet and TV signals in the next few years..

External links[rediger]